Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Tattered bruised but admittedly oversensitive.



She sat by the window with weary eyes and slump body—a constant whisper of a prayer on her dry chapped lips. There is nothing around except the seemingly peaceful silence surrounding the atmosphere. To her, though, it is haunting. A musky smell fills the room, soaked with anxiety, fear and loss.


Tonight, the desperate attempt of a constant whisper of this one prayer is to escape the undying suffering, this everlasting insanity. This window and the alarming whistle of the security guard; who else is the witness of those explicitly confessing long ‘pauses’ making her fall deeper and deeper? She thought.
Despair is smiling at her; knowingly, she is feeling the frozen pain of continuous heartbreaks in her thawing bones. The misery is at ease, as it watches her suffer, for it knows that she is breaking down into teeny leeetle pieces.

Why don’t He listen to me—She asked herself. The one who says; Meri taraf aik qadam barhao mai das barhaon ga. It has been a while that she is crying in the darkness of the late nights; admittedly, nobody knows but Him. Why He has stopped listening to her; what else she is asking for other than His Mercy? A teardrop rolled down for she thought that she has disappointed her creator as well just like His creatures.

Everyone and everything was deceiving & she thought she could change them—Every time. Another teardrop reminded her about all her hardwork, her prayers and her expectations—all failed to nothing and yet she is blaming herself on every possible option.

It’s not about getting attached to people and losing them eventually it’s about the emptiness, the hollowness the loses left behind. It’s never about a person it’s about all those insane feelings that every organ of her body celebrates. How could a person, a woman, silently be devoted to another human without an iota of fear? She’s found herself continually asking questions.
Quintessentially, women of today’s world whine brusquely and get over the qualm after a short while then why not her? Why she’s holding on to the sheer silences. Besides a lot of ransacking inside her, she is na├»ve enough to find the answers.
She thought, she has nothing to lose now everything is gone. She realized the minor part of the peace left has also been taken away. Much to the charging to her, she never lost it completely. Every time, she felt herself worthless and empty handed, she lose the peace of mind massively.

How could she tell them what has happened to her? She has turned into something that she never was and still she is unable to replace it. Every word, every confession, every act has failed to make them realize that she just wanted to be understood—nothing less nothing more.
She tried getting back to the heap of books she has to go through. She tried turning into a bookworm. All her attempts seem futile.

..And then when all her attempts to get out of the threshold of insanity disappointed her, she looked up high in the skies; breaking down brick by brick unable to hold still now. She asked Him desperately yet secretly; nobody understands, nobody can see the fear behind her glassy eyes. No one notices the insecurities and complexes that break on her face in the form of sweat but it’s Him. He listens to her silence screaming. He knows what pain she is in and therefore she asked him; Give me a hug of MERCY, take it away..Please..MERCY!