Who would have thought that there comes a point in life when you feel complete. After all the turmoil, miseries, sufferings who would have imagined to touch the happiest moments in life. But, that’s how life turns the pages and there comes a point.. A point…When you no longer desire for absolutely anything in life. When you finally know the difference between feeling happy and feeling whole. When you feel yourself floating in happy hormones like the light weight dandelion pollen flower. When things happened exactly like what you have planned. When you live the fantasies exactly how you have imagined. When you laugh abruptly and smile frequently. When the mirror witnesses you shinning eyes everyday. When you stop complaining. When there's a full stop to your demands. When ecstasy lasts longer than you have expected. When you are being treated the way you always wanted. Yes, this is the point when you are not alone living on cloud ninth and flying to the seventh sky!
Social media was full of those who got their final allocation in the civil services exam for 2015. After congratulating a few of them, the one who flunked, secretly cried and that sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, once again, went unnoticed.
....a while later an inner voice asked; Name a fantasy that is left unnoticed? Name a single utmost desire that is not fulfilled? Would you be able to get what you have now if you're among the successful candidates today?
Goosebumps replied; Hell no!
Once again the failure was secretly enjoyed by every teeny bit of her existence.
She remained quiet. If truth be told, she started trying to uncover
different perspectives in hope to find a way which hurt a bit less. The reality
was harsh; she herself was to be blamed. Nobody was able to help. She can’t put
the blame. Hence, she didn’t even once try to explain and complain that her
pride and dignity has damaged today. She did not let her actions show that
nobody has ever made her feel this bad about herself but today. In fact, she
tried to become louder the whole day so that they won’t get the clue that she's hurt and it’s
not about over sensitivity, it is something which cannot be put into words.
Sometimes, silence is actually the best answer to the uncontrollable,
so she remained quiet!
This year was the best year of my life. I repeat the best
year of my entire life. This year made me say that I do not have even a single
fantasy that was left unfulfilled. I tasted the joys of unlimited laughter and experienced the pleasures of the most beautiful sunsets. I learned to act to situations which were absolutely uncontrollable and I have been taught how to adjust out of my
comfort zones. I faced the biggest failure of my life and experienced the embarrassment
for disappointing my loved ones.
I deliberately put
myself into the situations where I found myself helplessly hopeless and I successfully reached to the point where I saw no way out other then
talking to Him and seeking help. Needless to say, I found my lord the most
merciful and forgiving. Besides disobeying him in every possible way, He has
blessed me with countless blessings. I have been told again and again that I am immature, I am impatient, I
am childish and I am a major drama queen but He says I love you 70 times more
than your amma does. He accepts me the way I am and He keeps blessing me every
day. I cannot even begin to thank Him for His mercy on me.
We believe that this era of technology and digital evolution has
made exposure to sins quite easy, so much, so that it is nearer to impossible
to stay away from 'under the cover sins.’
Everything has two
aspects if technology has given access to pornography and such stuff then we do
have lectures from Noman Ali khan to watch and content from Yasmeen Mogheed to
read (for example). Therefore, it is very important
to realize and learn to utilize our time the right way. No wonder, it is difficult
to realize things sooner rather than later and it cannot be realized by reading
this or hearing someone saying such stuff. People learn from experiences. Just
like I did. Nevertheless, I still put the question here for all of us, when we
are going to hold ourselves to a higher standard if not today.
If I am writing this that doesn’t mean that I am practicing
myself to put to a higher standard or I am very sober or religious. I have made huge mistakes in my life particularly in this year. I have done such shameless things this year
that most of the people I know cannot even think of doing them. And I am mentioning it
over here to highlight that don’t judge people and their faith. We don’t know what others are up to. He is the only one
who knows what our hearts hold.
We are our worst critics and we should be. Quite a bit of our life has passed already.
Lets just make a dua at the start of this year that May Allah help us all to be
a better human being a better Muslim and a better person for our parents, our
society and for the one who is constantly watching us and forgiving us for our
sins. May Allah forgive us for all our sins we have committed in the past and
shower His blessings and Mercy upon us and our families. (Ameen)
As this year ends and a New Year rolls in, I wish all of
you, your near and dear ones a very happy and prosperous New Year ahead. :